The lamp is off. The day is over. And yet your mind keeps going: replaying a conversation, rewriting tomorrow, circling like a moth around a light that isn't there.
Some evenings, telling yourself to let go doesn't work. Giving your mind something beautiful to hold sometimes does.
The window behind the painting
In May 1889, Vincent van Gogh asked to be admitted to the asylum of Saint-Paul-de-Mausole, in Saint-Rémy-de-Provence, after months of crisis. From his room he could see a wheat field, the hills and, before dawn, the morning star. He told his brother Theo how large it looked through the window. (He wrote to Theo constantly; here is what Van Gogh told his brother in hundreds of letters.)
The Starry Night, painted that June, isn't a faithful view. He painted it by day, from memory and imagination. The village is partly invented, and its pointed church spire looks more like the Netherlands of his childhood than Provence. It's a night remembered, and a little dreamed.
Vincent van Gogh, The Starry Night, 1889. The Museum of Modern Art, New York
A meditation for the last ten minutes of the day
Open the painting on a dimmed screen, or in a book under a soft lamp. Sit, or lie down with the image beside you.
- The whole sky. Take in the painting without stopping anywhere. Notice the deep blues, the yellows, the white halos around the stars. Breathe as you normally would.
- One swirl. Choose one of the great spirals in the middle of the sky and follow it slowly with your eyes, round and round. Let your breath find the same pace, without forcing it.
- The cypress. Move to the dark tree on the left, rising like a flame. Imagine standing beneath it. Feel the weight of your body on the bed or chair, the way the tree feels the ground.
- The village. Drop to the small houses below, with their lit windows. Behind each one, someone is ending their day too. Washing a cup. Reading. Lying awake. You are not the only one still up.
- Close your eyes. Keep the painting in your mind for a few breaths. When it fades, let it.
Afterwards, let the next thing be sleep, or a few pages of a novel. If you'd like more paintings for this hour, here are five calming paintings to look at before you sleep.
What if it makes you a little sad?
It might. Knowing where Van Gogh was when he painted it can make the sky feel lonelier. That's alright. A painting can hold both the turbulence and the light. You don't have to decide tonight which one is true.
Keep the paintings you meet
If a painting stays with you after an evening like this, write it down: where you met it, what you noticed first, how it made you feel. The Collector's Diary is a free printable zine made for exactly that.
Remember to take as much time as you need, and meet me at the next one.
Love, Evi